


I can never have him

by lostinmymindforever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 22:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6539704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/lostinmymindforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can be read from either Sam or Dean's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can never have him

It shouldn't be this hard.

It shouldn't be so difficult to stand at his side.

It shouldn't drive me almost insane having him so near me.

But I can't help it.

I want him.

I _want_ him.

I want **HIM**.

I want to kiss him.

I want to make love to him.

I want to hold him in my arms.

And I can't.

He is the one person I can never have.

He is the one person I should never have.

He is the one person I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.

Okay.

From one point of view that is doable.

From a strictly platonic point of view.

From a purely familial point of view.

But not how I want it to be.

My heart aches when he's with me.

And yet it screams with loss when he's gone from my side.

I love him completely.

Deeply.

Utterly.

With my whole being.

And I can never tell him that.

I’m dead without him.

I can't go on without him.

No, that's not quite right.

I won't go on without him.

If he dies...

You know I’ll be following soon after.

Life without him is hollow.

Empty.

Meaningless.

The world?

He is my world.

He is my life.

He is my paradise.

Heaven or Hell.

Wherever.

He goes, I go.

He knows this much.

And I know he feels the same.

But not _the same_.

He looks at me and I get lost in his eyes.

Sometimes I reach out for him in my sleep.

But he's not there.

Why would he be?

He's near, I know that, but not close enough.

I ache for him in a way I never knew a man could ache.

He's inside me.

Heart.

Mind.

Soul.

My other half.

My darkest secret.

My deepest desire.

My brother.


End file.
